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I have some bad news. Nothing will prepare you for motherhood. You will stumble and fall and feel guilt like you have never felt before. You will scar your children and you will certainly send them into the world unprepared. You will yell when they need comfort, you will buckle when they need you to be stern. You will never be cool enough and you will always embarrass them. The good news is…as long as you love them, God will do the rest.
I had an awful week. I was stressed beyond what I could handle and I threw a temper tantrum at God. I was angry. I was hurt. I was acting like a 2 year old. How can you do this? Why do you let this happen? Why are you not stepping in and fixing it? Even a couple of “Are you even there? Why when I need you can I not feel you?” And so in the depths of despair when I KNOW I should have been seeking him, I allowed Satan to nest in my heart and fester. I didn’t talk to Him, I didn’t lean on Him, and I was crossing my arms and pouting because He wasn’t just fixing it. And you know what? I was miserable. I was a walking zombie for days. But God can be a tricky fellow. He has strategically placed these little bodies of joy into my life. These little sticky, messy, mouthy, bodies of joy who would say “Mama can you come outside with me? Can you draw with the sidewalk chalk? It’s such a nice day. Let’s get some fresh air.” One who would just sit next to me and put her hand on mine. One who gave extra hugs even though he’s “too old” for them. And so when I finally started to see the light, when through the darkness I saw glimmers of hope, I buckled like a child. I buckled and said “God I am so, so, so, so, so sorry.” I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness that only He can give.
Then I started to see myself. See how I had been acting. I started thinking about this devotion that I wanted to call Lindsay and back out of. And I could just see Him; picture Him as I slowly went…Lightbulb. I could see Him say “Yes. You got it.” I could see Him nod his head and breathe a sigh of relief at my moment when I understood. I may be a parent. I may be an adult. But I am still a child, His child.
I believe all of that is a perfect example of what happens to us when we become parents. We get glimpses of what God has been dealing with for an eternity from us. Our disobedience and our mouthiness. Our defiance and our rejection. Our sin and our bad choices. Yet He loves us anyway. He allows us into his little club by blessing us with children to love and only want the absolute best for. Children we would not hesitate to lay our own lives down for if it were to save theirs, even when they are disobedient. Even when they are mouthy. Even if they reject our teachings. Even through their sin.
But this is just one thing God does for us when he allows us to be parents. He allows us a better glimpse at himself, but He also does something else, something so much harder to deal with. He puts us in our children’s life so they can see Him through us. Ugh. What?! No, no, no, no. Don’t you remember what I said earlier? You know the scarring and the hurt and the embarrassment? That’s not Godly. That’s me. In all my horrible humanness. There is where the hard part lies. We must be responsible to our children. To BE God for them. To BE Jesus in their little lives.
Exodus 20:12, the fifth commandment says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Some may look at that and say “See you must honor me.” You know “Respect my authoritah!” But how often does that work? How often does it work to demand authority or respect? You must model it. Teach it with actions. So while our children are to honor us, and we honor our parents, we also must respect them enough to teach them how. Teach them to love God with all their hearts by showing them how much WE love God. Teach them to rely on Him when the going gets tough by seeking Him in those hard times. Teach them to ask for forgiveness when they fall short by dropping to our knees in front of God when sin taints our lives. Teach them to be tolerant and loving by being compassionate and understanding to the very least.
So my charge to every mother, including myself, is to embrace the gifts God has bestowed upon us. To not only love and cherish our children, but to BE God to them. To model what He is so they can as well. After all, our most important job as parent is to give them the skills and tools to be amazing adults.
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