I might die, but I might just live

Exercise has NEVER been something I enjoyed. Dieting is not fun because, well, have you EATEN food?! But I'm not at a healthy weight. And extra weight is not good on your body. I can feel this in my back and legs. And I really need to be healthy not only for me, but for my kids who depend on me.

So when a couple of co-workers decided to join Farrell's Totalbody Fitness a couple months ago, I decided to do the program with them. Farrell's is kickboxing and strength training program. It is pretty intense and just reading about it is a little intimidating. It is 6 days a week for 45 minutes a day! But we anxiously counted down the days and as Orientation Day approached. I was terrified.

There were tons of people there and we did a few different tests. Sit and Reach, 1 minute situps, 1 minute pushups, Step Test and a 1 mile run. We also weighed in, checked our body fat and were measured. Not going to lie, it was not only tough, but eye opening at just how much I am out of shape. It was hard but the one thing I noticed off the bat was HOW NICE EVERYONE IS!

Everyone is so motivating and everyone has a story to tell. They have all been in my first timer shoes. They remember what deciding to make that change feels like and are so encouraging.

I have officially made it 1 week. I have woken up at 4am for 6 days in a row and have gone and worked it. To be honest, day 6 (today) was so hard mentally. I REALLY wanted to say "one day is ok to miss." But that is the old me talking and the new me, who is still forming, pushed through and went.

I am sore. I am tired. But I'm not complaining. This is just the beginning.

Change is a'coming folks, and the change will be me.

Little Ones

I took my almost 13 year old to the zoo the other day. We had a great time walking around looking at the animals (I really big heart the giraffes😍), taking selfies and just hanging out. As it turns out, we weren't the only people to decide to spend our sunny Saturday there. We walked by numerous families of all shapes and sizes, but one family made my heart say "Aww..."

There was a frazzled 20 something looking mom pushing a stroller with a toddler holding her hand and two preschool aged boys running ahead. She was scolding (yelling) at one of the boys for touching an automatic door opener that she had told him not to touch. Dad was there but he was not paying any attention to any of the kids or mom. She sounded so angry over this 4 year old opening the door and my heart broke. Not for the boy, but for the mom.

I WAS that mom. I spent my early and mid twenties with a preschooler and a double stroller full of girls. I was always frazzled and usually was in the need of a shower and a haircut. I was BARELY holding together my young family and with a husband who travelled 70% of the time for work, I feel like I failed miserably.

I often wonder if my kids have any memories of them as young children where I am NOT yelling at them. I yelled at home (My middle daughter HONESTLY thought her full name was RHIANNA JAYDE COMEHERE as a preschooler). I yelled at church (through clinched "Christlike" teeth). I even yelled at Disney World (I earned the nickname "Fun Sucker" on that trip...thank my ex husband for that encouragement). I couldn't let fun organically happen because I was too busy controlling and yelling about EVERYTHING.

My kids were 6, 7 and 10 when I became a single mom and got the wake up call I needed. I now had to share them. I went from my children being around me ALL THE TIME to not very much at all. There were nights when I sat in my very empty and very quiet house and just longed for some of the things that just months prior I had been yelling about.

My kids are pre-teen and teenagers now. I no longer yell...as often. I'm not going to lie and say I quit altogether but there is FAR more laughter and silliness and conversation and love in my home now. I don't care about the water bottle being left on the table. I'm just grateful for the child that left it there (but seriously...guys...clean up after yourselves!).

So as we walked past this yelling woman, I felt sorry that she is so obviously worn out and overextended that all she has left is yelling.  My prayer for her and all the other young and not so young, working outside the home and stay at home, married or single moms out there is this: I pray you are given sight to see that these days pass way too quickly and the things you are yelling at very, very soon will not matter at all.