Those are the things I am holding onto these past few days. Or I guess past couple of weeks. I won't go into nasty details, because you all know that is not healthy. I will say that I know God has a plan. He has plans even when we screw up His plans. And then He has backup plans for the backup plan that we screwed up last week! So, I know God will overcome. So in the meantime I pray. I pray like I have never prayed before.
Which is always so sad. Praying like I have never prayed before because my family and my marriage is falling apart at my feet. Why didn't I pray when things were just hairy? Why didn't I pray when things were good? Why didn't I pray before? However, those thoughts aren't healthy and I need to take what I have right now and run with it.
So I am holding onto Prayer. And my God who does miraculous things. (Have you READ the Bible? Seriously miraculous things.)
And Hope...Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for a better today. Hope for smidges of movement in the direction of family. Smidges of movement in the direction of restoration. What those may look like only God knows. But I have HOPE in HIM and I know that whatever the outcome, He will provide.
I just have to keep reminding myself of these things. At all times.....
Friday, September 23, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Spiritual Warfare
So...um...yeeeeaaaaahhhhh.....
That's what is up. Spiritual Warfare.
I know it happens. I know Satan delights in the doubts and nasties of us. But I guess I have never really felt it. Like hardcore. And I mean, I guess I should have. There has been plenty of times in my life when I have doubted God. Lots of instances when I wanted to, and probably did, look to the sky and say "WHERE ARE YOU? WHY AM I HERE IN THIS PLACE?" But right now things are different.
Satan is attacking me where it hurts. Like REALLY bad. And I do apologize for the vagueness in this. Maybe in a few months I might be able to be more transparent, but for now I need to hide in vague.
But yeah, Satan is using his attractiveness and wit to whisper in my ear. He is caressing my innermost secrets. He is agreeing with my most hated insecurities. And he is laughing. He is laughing at the twisted tangled mess I am making of it. He is EATING it up. I feel like I am a great movie or dramatic book for him to devour.
The good thing, is I KNOW this. I SEE it. I can feel it. And I am fighting. I am not always fighting well though. I am taking those vicious, beautiful lies he is feeding me and I am seeing truth in it. However, I have called on God and you know what? He is not taking this lying down. He is sending people to pray for me. He is sending people to fold socks with me. He is sending people to say "Stop it. I know this is hard, but you must fight how you must fight and lean on Him."
Thank you Jesus for sending these people. Thank you Jesus for your promise of a better day. Thank you Jesus for taking up your sword and helping me defend. Thank you for teaching me through trials even though I LOATHE the lesson, I have faith that the knowledge on the other side of it will be awesome. The kind of awesome that only YOU can give.
That's what is up. Spiritual Warfare.
I know it happens. I know Satan delights in the doubts and nasties of us. But I guess I have never really felt it. Like hardcore. And I mean, I guess I should have. There has been plenty of times in my life when I have doubted God. Lots of instances when I wanted to, and probably did, look to the sky and say "WHERE ARE YOU? WHY AM I HERE IN THIS PLACE?" But right now things are different.
Satan is attacking me where it hurts. Like REALLY bad. And I do apologize for the vagueness in this. Maybe in a few months I might be able to be more transparent, but for now I need to hide in vague.
But yeah, Satan is using his attractiveness and wit to whisper in my ear. He is caressing my innermost secrets. He is agreeing with my most hated insecurities. And he is laughing. He is laughing at the twisted tangled mess I am making of it. He is EATING it up. I feel like I am a great movie or dramatic book for him to devour.
The good thing, is I KNOW this. I SEE it. I can feel it. And I am fighting. I am not always fighting well though. I am taking those vicious, beautiful lies he is feeding me and I am seeing truth in it. However, I have called on God and you know what? He is not taking this lying down. He is sending people to pray for me. He is sending people to fold socks with me. He is sending people to say "Stop it. I know this is hard, but you must fight how you must fight and lean on Him."
Thank you Jesus for sending these people. Thank you Jesus for your promise of a better day. Thank you Jesus for taking up your sword and helping me defend. Thank you for teaching me through trials even though I LOATHE the lesson, I have faith that the knowledge on the other side of it will be awesome. The kind of awesome that only YOU can give.
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