Ok so "technically" I am still married. "Legally" I still am. But in my heart, and in Scott's heart, we are NOT married. And if I was in a spiritual place where I was all....um...spiritual, I would say that even in God's eyes we are no longer married. So I have this thing...this desire...this want....It's called...gulp...dating!
It is scary and exciting and SO incredibly confusing. The last time I dated it went like this:
"Here is my phone number."
Later that night my phone rang .
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
"Yeah."
OR
Three of my friends on 3 phones (You remember phones in your house? Where they all connected and everyone could hear the conversation?) all telling him that he should "JUST ASK HER OUT!" And then I got on the phone and after embarassment over how obnoxious my friends were:
"Will you go out with me?" Followed by yes....
And that was it for me folks!
But trying to date at 30 means watching out for losers with no job, bad job or a wife. Watching out for losers with a job, a good job or wife. Watching out for losers who want to "date" for the night. Watching out for creepy crazies with a reason why they are still single at 30+. And in the middle of all of this, not having the slightest idea of what I want.
I miss someone. I miss having someone to tell my day to, I miss listening to someone tell me about their day. I miss movies on the couch and movies at the theatre. I miss dinner with someone else.
Now, I KNOW that I know that I know that I know.... I DO NOT WANT COMMITMENT. Whew....no sirree. I don't want a "boyfriend" or anything labeled like that. Eww...it just gives me the willies right now. No thank you. But I do know that as much as I love hanging out with "mah girls," sometimes I long for interlaced fingers and an arm around my shoulders.
So I'm putting myself out there. And so far...well...I am learning how flipping hard it is! People say they don't want to play games, but somehow a game is exactly what is happening. One 4 hour conversation can leave you thinking "Wow! Maybe there is someone else!" only to have awkward "I have no idea what is going on"ness for 3 weeks after. (Yeah....I pulled the plug on that. Just because someone is nice doesn't mean the games aren't gonna be played.)
So yeah...I realize alot of this blog was rambling and possibly shocking to some and more than likely not shocking to those who really know me. But that is where I am.
And if you know of any nice Christian, successful, single, attractive (I will also accept "hot") non crazy men over the age of 30 and under the age of 38....send them my way. ;-)
KIDDING! maybe....
