I thought I would just throw a picture blog together for this but I have decided that in 10 years I want to have this in words. I want to have it in words for me, and for Zaia. Besides, I bet this could be just as good, and significantly less expensive, than therapy.
Tuesday was obviously a rough day. I previously blogged that I was awake well before my alarm. I also bawled before I even got out of bed. Terrified was an understatement. I don't know what word is worse, but that is how I felt. I know this was all from Satan because I wasn't so scared to not go through with everything, it was just an overwhelming feeling. Almost like it was a wall trying to keep me from God. Satan lost that battle because as scared as I was, I prayed and prayed and prayed.
So, we got up and got the kids up and ready. Bless her little heart, Zaia was excited because she couldn't grasp the entirety of what was about to happen. We got to the hospital after a little pit stop by my mom's house. (She was meeting us there, but I needed to take one of her Ativan which is an anti anxiety drug. Gotta love it!) We got to the hospital and our Associate Pastor, Bill Smith and my mom were there. While waiting at admitting our dear friend Wendy Monahan arrived with her own bag of games and goodies. After getting Zaia her bracelet we were off to the surgical floor. We staked out a good portion of the waiting area equipped with a tv, big soft cushion chairs and play tables. The kids were playing with Wendy and we were just waiting. Next walked in Scott's younger brother, Aaron, and his wife, Elizabeth. Aaron is in the Army and was home for a couple of weeks while he changed duty stations from South Korea to El Paso, Texas. He had Korean gifts for the kids and gave them to them. They loved them all and it was a good distraction.
It seemed like we were only there for about 10 minutes when we were called back with Zaia. She changed into some "styling" seafoam green pajamas. She also got to pick out a cap from a basket FULL of different patterned surgical caps. She picked a white one with red and blue polka dots. Very appropriate since the day before was the Fourth of July. We went into a room and they took her vitals and such. She was starting to get nervous and fussed some over the O2 monitor. Dr. "Anesthesiologist" came in to talk to us and there was some paperwork. I cried as I signed them. Nothing like feeling like you are signing your daughter's actual life away to bring on the waterworks. A few minutes later they brought her some medicine, Versed, to take which would make her "sleepy." It made her high. Which was so funny. I actually have a video and will include that in my picture blog that I intend to do in the near future. She was getting sleepy and they brought a bed to put her on. Within a couple of minutes we were walking down the hallway. She went right and we had to go left. It was awful. I bawled against Scott for a few minutes before we went out into the waiting room. I had to have it somewhat together for Joel and Rhianna when we went out there.
So then we waited. And to be honest, it didn't feel as long as it actually was. We had SO many people there with us and supporting us. My mom, Scott's mom and dad, my 2 brothers, Scott's 3 brothers, 2 sister in laws, 1 niece, 2 pastors, 1 deacon, 4 church friends and our kids. I feel like we had a little party down there. The chaplain's, who was our liaison to what was going on in surgery, name was Joel. How appropriate since OUR pastor's name is Joel. And of course my favorite 11 year old's name is also Joel. :) Chaplain Joel kept us updated on when the incision was done, when she was put on by pass, when she was off of by pass and when they were closing up. He came out and took our crew up to the 4th floor where Zaia was going to be taken to. The concierge was concerned about the size of our group and because we had 3 children in our group. She kept telling us we needed to make sure our volume was low and the children were behaving because there were other people with "really sick kids" there.
Now....here is where I have to be completely honest. I wanted to PUNCH that lady!! I wanted to say "You don't know us! You don't know how well behaved these 3 children are! You don't know that we are all waiting to see a little girl who has just had her CHEST open and a doctor HOLDING HER HEART!! We know what "really sick kids" are!" However, I just nodded and smiled. Grrr...
Anyway after we all got our name tag/badges (the unit is a locked unit and anyone going in must have a badge...nurses, doctors, visitors) we sat around waiting for the man of the day, Dr. Fortuna, to come let us know how it went. He came out and got Scott and I and took us to a room to talk to us. Bottom line....Things went extremely well and he was very happy with the outcome. I cried tears of joy and he said "Do you want to see her?" Um....YEAH!!! We went to her room and she was still asleep but she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I took a picture because I wanted to remember her forever, but also to show the kids so they would know what to expect before going in to see her.
Zaia's nurse was Ann. She had some papers for us and some visitor rules. We laughed when she said the concierge would give out 4 visitors badges because our group had just been issued 14. She chuckled and said "They aren't supposed to do that...." Then we were allowed to have one big group visit. So our entire family plus our deacon, Chris Bigger, came in to see her. I think right then, the nursing staff was made aware of how much this little girl was loved.
They kept her "sedated" the rest of that day and most of Wednesday too. By "sedated" I mean, the meds didn't make her stay asleep but she was sleeping and tired on and off most of the time. She did get sick Tuesday night, but that was the only time she did. Wednesday afternoon Joel and Rhianna came to visit along with some friends from church. Zaia was sure glad to see them. She smiled and almost chuckled which was amazing since she had been pretty crabby most of the day. However when they left and Nurse Ann and I started to wash Zaia off, her mood changed. She was crying and screaming and hated us both. Scott came right towards the end of her bath. We were trying to get her to walk to the bathroom. She was screaming and combative and hitting and kicking. Ann picked her up and sat her in the chair where she continued to throw a fit. I was in tears. Ann mentioned that she probably never had to throw a temper tantrum before and I said "Yes she has, just never ever like this." Ann suspected it was an adverse reaction to the sedation and turned it off. Zaia calmed down and just laid on the chair for 5 minutes, then out of nowhere, she started crying. Real tears of pain and sorrow. I was crying, Scott was crying, I think Ann was almost crying. Then she was ok. So....for future reference, I would prefer Zaia to NEVER, EVER, EVER have Precedex again. :)
The only pain Zaia really complained about while in the hospital was her "belly" hurting. This was from her chest tube. Her side also hurt her pretty badly from the chest tube. On Thursday they were able to take that out and after she was pretty much pain free. Earlier that morning the doctors said they suspected she would be able to go home the next day. I was shocked. I had fully expected Zaia to be in the hospital until Monday morning. To be able to go home 3 days after heart surgery was astonishing to me. Thursday evening we had lots of visitors. We were only supposed to have 2 at a time, but at one point we had 8. Ooops! Joel and Rhianna were visiting and we walked down to the activity room with them. Zaia had a good time playing and one by one a couple of her visitors came to the activity room to play as well. We were down there for about an hour and then I convinced Zaia it was time to go back to her room. She was really tired and fussed about walking back. One by one our visitors said goodbye and left Zaia to have her dinner.
Friday morning Zaia was being discharged. Scott needed to go to work to push some meetings and get some work in so he could take the afternoon off. Zaia and I hung out and played with some of her gifts. The PICU was pretty busy, so they actually moved us to a different room for the morning. It was HUGE! I asked why we didn't get that room sooner. Zaia said it was so big we could have had a party. The nurse and I gave Zaia one last "sponge" bath and then it was time to take her central line out. The child life specialist came in with the iPad (which was a wonderful tool) to distract Zaia from what was going on there on her chest/shoulder. She cried as the nurse took it out. It was a cute cry though because she played the games on the iPad and answered questions while crying.
Finally it was time to leave. We packed up her room (which was full of balloons and gifts and bags) and loaded her into the wagon. We walked down to the circle drive and it was so amazing and surreal that it was Friday, and she had just had open heart surgery 3 days before. We were on our way home!
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I feel so blessed by so many things it is hard to find the words. Blessed by a God who is all knowing and all powerful and who would hold me through all the turbulence that I felt. Blessed by a pediatrician who didn't overlook a heart murmur 3 years ago. Blessed by a cardiologist who was on top of her condition and who treats us just as tenderly as he treats our daughter. Blessed to have a premier pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon who not only knows the anatomy of hearts, but has a big one himself. Blessed to live 10 minutes from an amazing children's hospital. Blessed to have wonderful nurses and doctors on staff at said hospital who took care of Zaia as if she were their own. Most of all, we are so blessed to have a biological family and family of friends who care so deeply for each one of us. We felt every prayer, appreciated every card, adored every gift and felt honored by the numerous visits we had.
Thank you all for everything you've done. I am so pleased to say that this is behind us and Zaia is already getting back to her normal, sassy self. And I cherish every minute of it.
