2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
Obviously God really wanted me to hear it. And I do hear it. However, I am still TERR...I...FIED. Terrified.
We are headed into the week before Zaia's surgery and I am scared to death. I am afraid she will hurt...alot. I am afraid that I won't have the words to comfort her. I am afraid I will show her how frightened I am and scare her. I am afraid I will show her brother and sister how frightened I am and scare them. I am afraid in my fear I will push my husband away (because I am good at that). I am afraid she will get sick and they will push the surgery and I will have to wait again. I am afraid something will go wrong and they won't be able to fix her. I am afraid something will go wrong and she will be "scarred" for life. I am afraid something will go wrong and she will go....
I know all the statistics and that this is a pretty straightforward surgery. Well as straightforward as open heart surgery can go. I know she has an amazing surgeon who can do miracles. I know this because I have seen it happen in the life of a little Honduran girl who came to OUR hospital to fixed by OUR surgeon and he fixed her and she is fine. I know God has a plan and whatever happens it is good.
But my heart and my head don't always meet up. As a matter of fact, my head and heart fight....alot. My head knows all this smart stuff and rattles it off to my heart. But my heart just screams
She is my BABY!! SHE IS MY BABY!!!
She is my baby and I would lay under that knife on that operating table 1,000,000 times just so she doesn't have to.
So please dear Lord, give me the power to be calm. Calm for Zaia. Calm for Joel and Rhianna. Calm for Scott. Calm for myself. Give me the power to not only know, but to KNOW that all of this is for your glory. Lord let me feel your love that has always washed over me and that has never, and will never stop. Let that love overflow to all who surround me so they too, may feel it. And Lord please give me the self-discipline to not eat every ounce of food in my house as I prepare emotionally for the next few weeks.
I was just thinking about you this morning when I realized how soon this is! We love you and are so happy we can be here to support you guys. Remember.. for every lie Satan tries to tell you, GOD HAS ALREADY WON THE BATTLE! Love you!
ReplyDeleteWill be praying for all... As a side note, the little girl, that wasn't Ted, in my group during VBS had open heart surgery as well. I say this to show that God places people in our lives to encourage us, even if it just a demonstration of His healing...
ReplyDeleteWe're doing a new HOPE song on Sunday that is kind of excellent. Check out "Blessings" by Laura Story. It doesn't make anything easier, but it makes it a little easier to trust God. Or to want to be able to trust God. :)
ReplyDelete-Tricia