"Here you go Anessa..."

"Here you go Anessa..." and with those 4 words, God handed me a full plate today. 

I know God is faithful and I know He does all things in His perfect timing, but sometimes I just wish His watch and my watch were on the same time.

Today I had 2 doctors appointments for kids.  Not a huge deal, but 2 appointments.  Joel had an eye appointment this morning where I knew he would be getting glasses.  This is a good thing.  He has been squinting and not able to read road signs for about a month or so.  No big deal.  We went and he had his exam, and we found out what I already had suspected.  His right eye is REALLY bad, and his left eye has been "carrying" him along.  Then a last minute "test" and the Dr. used the microscope to look at his eyes.  "To see how healthy they are," was what he said.  He looked and looked and looked and looked.  Then he turned the lights back on to tell me what he saw.  Joel's optic nerves are not the same size.  What? Who knew that was even a possibility?  So then he took Joel down the hall to take a 3D image of his optic nerves.  This was really cool.  But this is rare, so the doctor wanted to talk to the other doctor while we went to pick out frames for Joel.  He picked out these super cool looking wire frames.  He looks so old and smart with glasses!  Then the docs came out to talk to me.  Because this is rare, they are referring us to neurologist.  The doc believes it is congenital (meaning Joel was just born this way) and it isn't a big deal.  However they are being proactive and making sure there really isn't anything wrong.  Ugh.....So...On my way to take Joel back to school I silently let tears stream down my cheeks.  I am Mama Hen and I can't let them see there is any concern.  And to be honest I don't think there is anything wrong with Joel.  He gets straight As and has never had any issues what so ever.  However...when a doctor refers you to a neurologist, you panic a little.  At least I did. 

So....Fast forward to our second doctor appointment.  This one was for Zaia.  This one ALWAYS makes me nervous and I usually fret over it for weeks.  For those of you who may not know, Zaia was diagnosed with sub aortic stenosis when she was 2 years old.  This means that there is a membrane, or extra skin, growing below her aortic valve.  She has been getting echocardiograms once a year since her diagnosis.  They have been watching to see if the membrane is growing and if her heart is working harder than it should.  We have known since that first appointment that the only fix to this is surgery.  Her second appointment was when it was explained that the surgery will be open heart.  Let me pause to tell you that Zaia's cardiologist is a wise, wise man.  He knew to wait to tell me the open heart part until the second appointment because he knew that he would have had a crazy lunatic mom laid out on his floor had he told me at that first appointment.  I was already in shock that he just told me this murmur that I had convinced myself was nothing, was actually a very real, something.  So anyway, every year we go for an echo, or "jelly on my belly" as Zaia says, to check everything out.  After the unexpected news from Joel's appt this morning, I prayed that Zaia's check up would be routine and would end with a "see you next year."  Sigh...God did NOT follow through with my wishes.

Dr. Hasselman said....Zaia's heart is working fine and isn't overworking or anything.  However, the membrane has grown and in doing so, her aortic valve is leaking a little.  Please don't ask what that means, because I don't know.  I was too busy waiting for the next words to fall out of his mouth.  She needs to have it fixed.  Big Sigh, followed by tears. 

I have known that this day would come.  I have known that this day would come for 3.5 years.  I just never knew when it would come and I don't think you can ever be prepared for it.  Nothing really prepares you for "Your 5 year old will have open heart surgery this year."  Nothing.  So....God in all His wisdom heaped my plate full today.  But you know what?  You know what only God could do?  He could make our pastor and his wife be sitting in the waiting room as we walked out.  Unbeknownst to any of us, we all had appointments for our youngest child on the same day.  So just when I needed a hug and a "it'll be ok" I had it. 

So, right now I have no real definitive answers on dates for Zaia, just that within 6 months she will have her surgery.  I have no idea of what is to happen with Joel.  I know one thing.  Rhianna better stay healthy!!  My plate is super full....or at least I think it is.  Let's hope God agrees with me.