Have you ever been unhappy, but had no idea that you were unhappy, until you WERE happy? That is where I am right now. And it is MARVELOUS.
5 or 6 months ago my entire life came crashing down. Everything that I thought I knew about myself was pulled out from under me. The last 15 years of my life were coming to a complete crash. And when the last 15 years of your life is actually HALF your life...yeah...that's hard. I couldn't see ANY good. Only bad. I couldn't imagine not being in the fetal position bawling my eyes out every night.
But it is here. I am begining to find me. I am having fun with what I want to do and not asking someone's permission. I am giving myself permission to enjoy life. To enjoy my time alone, to enjoy my time with my kids. To be me.
I didn't know it, but I never did that. I went from being someone's daughter to someone's wife to someone's mother and I never was Anessa. I am still someone's daughter and someone's mother, but I am learning I can be those things AND BE ANESSA!!!! It is so liberating. It is amazing.
My daughter said to me the other day "You are acting like a teenager. You cut your hair, and you do your makeup and you smile." That was the best compliment EVER.
Hey Anessa. You are always Anessa, whether you're in a role as mother or wife or daughter. But I totally get what you mean. It's so nice to be seen as ourselves, and not just in relation to someone else. You will always be Anessa to me!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're cutting your hair (and dying it!) and doing makeup and smiling. :)
Anessa, you are proof that there is always some light at end of the storm. And what a storm you have been through! I am really glad that you are healing from this! You deserve to be you, we all deserve to be ourselves. Good for you!
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