Week that will not end...UPDATE!

So it has been 2 days since my plate was heaped full.  Today some was taken off.  Praise God!

I got a call yesterday that there was a cancellation in the neurologist's office that Joel was being referred to so he was able to see the doctor this morning.  After an hour an a half of different eye tests, including 2 on me, the verdict was in.  The doc didn't see anything to alert him to anything bad.  He believes Joel's eyes and optic nerves are fine.  We made a 6 month follow up appointment just to compare and with that we were out the door.  Whoo Hoo!!!  There is one huge answered prayer.

As far as Zaia is concerned, we will know more in a couple of weeks.  After allowing the news to sink in and a couple of bouts of tears, I believe I am ready to move forward though.  In my mind, the perfect time for Zaia's surgery would be over the summer.  June or July, if that isn't too much to ask.  That way she would be healed and just fine to start Kindergarten in late August right on time.  However, as we have found out, God and I don't always have the same watch.  So I pray that I find His Rolex or he finds my Swatch. 

"Here you go Anessa..."

"Here you go Anessa..." and with those 4 words, God handed me a full plate today. 

I know God is faithful and I know He does all things in His perfect timing, but sometimes I just wish His watch and my watch were on the same time.

Today I had 2 doctors appointments for kids.  Not a huge deal, but 2 appointments.  Joel had an eye appointment this morning where I knew he would be getting glasses.  This is a good thing.  He has been squinting and not able to read road signs for about a month or so.  No big deal.  We went and he had his exam, and we found out what I already had suspected.  His right eye is REALLY bad, and his left eye has been "carrying" him along.  Then a last minute "test" and the Dr. used the microscope to look at his eyes.  "To see how healthy they are," was what he said.  He looked and looked and looked and looked.  Then he turned the lights back on to tell me what he saw.  Joel's optic nerves are not the same size.  What? Who knew that was even a possibility?  So then he took Joel down the hall to take a 3D image of his optic nerves.  This was really cool.  But this is rare, so the doctor wanted to talk to the other doctor while we went to pick out frames for Joel.  He picked out these super cool looking wire frames.  He looks so old and smart with glasses!  Then the docs came out to talk to me.  Because this is rare, they are referring us to neurologist.  The doc believes it is congenital (meaning Joel was just born this way) and it isn't a big deal.  However they are being proactive and making sure there really isn't anything wrong.  Ugh.....So...On my way to take Joel back to school I silently let tears stream down my cheeks.  I am Mama Hen and I can't let them see there is any concern.  And to be honest I don't think there is anything wrong with Joel.  He gets straight As and has never had any issues what so ever.  However...when a doctor refers you to a neurologist, you panic a little.  At least I did. 

So....Fast forward to our second doctor appointment.  This one was for Zaia.  This one ALWAYS makes me nervous and I usually fret over it for weeks.  For those of you who may not know, Zaia was diagnosed with sub aortic stenosis when she was 2 years old.  This means that there is a membrane, or extra skin, growing below her aortic valve.  She has been getting echocardiograms once a year since her diagnosis.  They have been watching to see if the membrane is growing and if her heart is working harder than it should.  We have known since that first appointment that the only fix to this is surgery.  Her second appointment was when it was explained that the surgery will be open heart.  Let me pause to tell you that Zaia's cardiologist is a wise, wise man.  He knew to wait to tell me the open heart part until the second appointment because he knew that he would have had a crazy lunatic mom laid out on his floor had he told me at that first appointment.  I was already in shock that he just told me this murmur that I had convinced myself was nothing, was actually a very real, something.  So anyway, every year we go for an echo, or "jelly on my belly" as Zaia says, to check everything out.  After the unexpected news from Joel's appt this morning, I prayed that Zaia's check up would be routine and would end with a "see you next year."  Sigh...God did NOT follow through with my wishes.

Dr. Hasselman said....Zaia's heart is working fine and isn't overworking or anything.  However, the membrane has grown and in doing so, her aortic valve is leaking a little.  Please don't ask what that means, because I don't know.  I was too busy waiting for the next words to fall out of his mouth.  She needs to have it fixed.  Big Sigh, followed by tears. 

I have known that this day would come.  I have known that this day would come for 3.5 years.  I just never knew when it would come and I don't think you can ever be prepared for it.  Nothing really prepares you for "Your 5 year old will have open heart surgery this year."  Nothing.  So....God in all His wisdom heaped my plate full today.  But you know what?  You know what only God could do?  He could make our pastor and his wife be sitting in the waiting room as we walked out.  Unbeknownst to any of us, we all had appointments for our youngest child on the same day.  So just when I needed a hug and a "it'll be ok" I had it. 

So, right now I have no real definitive answers on dates for Zaia, just that within 6 months she will have her surgery.  I have no idea of what is to happen with Joel.  I know one thing.  Rhianna better stay healthy!!  My plate is super full....or at least I think it is.  Let's hope God agrees with me.

How many flags?

SIX FLAGS!!!!

That's right my friends.  Six Flags St. Louis to be more exact.  That is where the Wilcoxon Wacky Weekend took us last weekend.  Us wacky Wilcoxons, sans Aaron because he lives too far away, (Whatever!  Living in South Korea is no excuse...;)) piled into a 15 passenger van and road tripped down to St. Louis. 



Breakfast on the go...Yum...Chocolate Donuts!



We always have such a fun time when we get together.  There is always the wildly inappropriate that probably shouldn't be discussed on a public forum, arguing, laughing, debating, food, heated discussion and more laughing!  Yes, those Wilcoxon boys can't say no to fighting.  However, there were no tears and just laughter after, which is always good.

  Thank goodness we had Lena in the back with the map to let Poppy know where he needed to go.  I am certain we would have been hopelessly lost without her navigation skills. 

Here the nice security guard took a picture of all 5..er..6 of us!  Lena got in too and doesn't she look so excited?! 

We tried to take more pictures this time.  We usually forget and then later I get bummed that I didn't think to take more.  However....we all went on LOTS of rides so there wasn't anyone to just stand around and snap good shots.

                 



Can you find our bus?!



It was a Super Six Flags Day...times 2.  All the kids rode on the rides and I was pleasantly surprised at how much they all like them.  Rhianna was bummed that she was too short to ride on The Batman and she also really wanted to go on American Thunder (formerly named Evel Kneivel).  Um...I am glad she was too short.  Those are 2 *I* won't go on!  And of course she also would have liked to be tall enough to go on the Superman.  You know the one that goes straight up in the air and then suddenly DROPS you to the ground?  By the way, that one had issues while we were there that left some riders up at the top for 15 minutes.  ScArY!!!  But we went on other ones that were just as jolting and fun.  Hence Zaia's neck injury 2 days later.  Yes friends, the only bad part of this trip was 2 days later when poor Zaia woke up screaming that her neck hurt.  After a visit to the doc, our thoughts were confirmed...she had a neck strain.  Our pediatrician described it as not as bad as whiplash, but along those lines.  I felt like a horrible mom, until he noticed my face and said "No it is fine!  She can go on them next time and may not have any problems.  No biggie."  (I love Dr. Knight.  He is just as good with me as he is with the kids.)  So after 2 days of heat, her neck is fine.  :)   Needless to say we had a blast and can't wait to go back.  We have season passes for this year and I know we will be making the trek back to St. Louis more than once.  We might also head up north to Chicagoland as our passes are good there as well.  Here's to not just a Six Flags day, but a Six Flags SUMMER!!!!

Dee, dee, deeeeee

I don't feel like I have a whole lot to say today, but I am blogging anyway.  There must be a reason why my mother nicknamed me "Windy" growing up right? 

Today I finally got my act together and made doctor's appointments for my kids.  They aren't "my kids are sick we must get them to the dr" appointments.  Aside from  Zaia's yearly cardio appointment, they were all "let's get ready for kindergarten/second/sixth grade" appointments.  I made EIGHT different appointments today.  Yes you read that right.  EIGHT.  We have dentist, eye, regular and cardiology appointments scattered on my calendar from April through June.  I don't believe it should have taken this long, but I was on the phone with all those different offices for over an hour.  That is right OVER an hour.  And I am sure by the time the summer is over we will have to add orthodontist to that list.

Yes, Joel needs braces.  They have actually been telling us this since he was 6 but really?  Six?!  Come on!  He barely had any adult teeth.  I was not going to put braces on him at 6 and then again at 12 and then again at 20.  (I don't actually believe the third time would happen, but you get it.) 

Neither Scott nor I have ever had braces.  So when he asks about the pain or what it feels like, we are going to be completely clueless.  Completely.  No clue.  I know that some of my friends had them and they got to pick colors.  I know that they couldn't chew gum (something he doesn't do anyway) or eat popcorn (once again, non issue for him) but anything else....I have no clue.  I remember going to the ortho with my brothers but I always sat out in the waiting room by myself when my mom went back with them. So good luck Joel.  :)

So if any of you are former brace wearing people, let me know what I need to say to him.  Or if I need to say anything at all.  It could just be a surprise.  I imagine that it will be a painful surprise...poor kid.  But hey....the bright side is he will have straight teeth.  He doesn't like his crooked teeth.  So anyway...yes.  Leave a comment about your adventures with braces.  And click on an ad or two.  :)

Where is the magic pill?!

I have never been a "little" girl.  I wasn't overweight growing up, but I certainly never fit into any of my girlfriends' size 4 pants.  I also have never been a good "dieter."  I am not a fan of sweating or over exerting myself, therefore I am NOT a fan of exercising.  I also love food.  I do believe if you look back a few blog entries you might find all of these same ideas.  Ugh.

However, Scott is ready to diet again, and I know that for him to succeed I must do it as well.  I suck at it.  It isn't that I eat a ton, actually I skip breakfast and lunch most days.  But I make wrong food choices and I do believe by skipping meals it hinders me.  I have all these friends who are on "diets" and who do all these new exercise things and seem very excited and motivated.  I wish it motivated me. 

Maybe if my husband was jerk a said he would divorce me if I didn't lose X amount of weight.  Or yelled at me every time I ate a cheeseburger. (We had a friend who did that!! How awful!)  Maybe if my kids called me Fatty McFats alot.  Maybe these things would motivate me.  However, in reality, Scott would get a swift kick in his BEE-hind if he did either of those things and my children would be grounded to the closet if they did. 

So I ask...Where is my magic pill already?  The one that does all the work?  The one that does not come with the fine print that says "Works alongside a sensible diet and exercise."  Oh boy, God must be chuckling at me and my childish "GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME!!!!!"  Either that or rolling his eyes and preparing my lesson in patience and hard work. 

Phooey.  I will cross my arms, sit in the corner and stick out my tongue.  Then I suppose...if I HAVE to, after my temper tantrum is over, I will start the hard work.  Humph.  But not right now....I am still pouting.

Tugging at my heartstrings

So I grew up in this church culture that gave money to Annie Armstrong at Easter and Lottie Moon at Christmas.  We had pictures of missionaries that we prayed for on their birthdays and thought wonderful thoughts about.  Missionaries were these far off people that we gave money to and prayed for...on their birthdays.  Missionaries were "celebrities" that "gave their lives to God" and did His work and we were all so grateful for their sacrifices.  Then we went downstairs to have our potluck. 

For me today, this is so not the case and I am SOOOOO grateful.  Because how pompous and ignorant are those thoughts?!  Only missionaries "give their lives to God?"  NO!  Um...God gave us OUR lives, so why wouldn't we um...I don't know...give Him to others?  Zaia was talking about missionaries the other day and I asked her "What is a missionary?"  Her reply?  "We all are Mama."  AHHHHH!!! Amazing!!  YES!!!  Yes.  We all are.  But that isn't just lip service.  We all must be...we must be missionaries in our homes AND in our workplace AND in our schools AND in the neighborhood that we think is scary AND in Mexico AND in Africa AND in Canada AND in Washington D.C.  AND, AND, AND.  Not OR, OR, OR. 

I have always heard of being "called" and how that means things for different people.  And I agree...to a point.  I have read Radical by David Platt and he talks about this very thing.  We are waiting for our calling or say I haven't been called to go there or do that.  Time out, wait a minute.  BS flag thrown. 

JESUS said " All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." (Matt 28:18b-20a) 

THERE IS OUR CALLING!!!  "Therefore go!"  I like to think that this was a butt burning fire for those disciples because they just saw Jesus die.  A horrific death mind you, and then he arose!  He conquered death, which makes you pretty awesome in my book, and then tells them to "Go and make disciples of all nations."  What if we could imagine our Jesus after dying and coming back to life looking at us and saying "Go!"  I think our church pews would be ashes because our butts would be flaming.

So...with all this, I have been feeling the Holy Spirit trying to burn my butt.  He has been pulling and tugging at my heartstrings and pouring lighter fluid on and throwing matches at my bum.  He has placed a desire and longing to help in my heart.  To help get clean water to people.  Water....simple water.  I have been pulled back to a website of an organization countless times over the past few weeks.  The organization is Living Water International.  They are: "Living Water International exists to demonstrate the love of God by helping communities acquire desperately needed clean water, and to experience "living water"—the gospel of Jesus Christ—which alone satisfies the deepest thirst."  They have teams that they send to dig wells and teach the importance of hygiene and clean water.  Most importantly they connect with the people who live there and teach them of Jesus. 

I WANT TO GO!!!!

I need to go.  God is yelling at me...YOU MUST GO.  Now...I undoubtedly will hem haw and try to get as many other people in on this and make it a big awesome trip.  But I am starting to think....maybe God is calling you, Anessa.  Just perhaps he is calling others to join you, but why in the world would you wait on them?  He has said "GO!"  Make it happen.  GO!  So I am thinking...maybe I will.  My butt is burning and I've got a feeling that this is going to be awesome.

Dad

So I have wanted to blog about my dad, but I just couldn't ever bring myself to it.  It is emotional and hard.  But I have been looking into family history and last night got a bunch of pictures from Mom to scan.  So I am going to blog about him now.  His memory isn't sneaking up on me and I have been looking at old pictures of him all day so I think I can make it through.  No promises though...;)

To preface this, I think you must know, I am a Daddy's girl.  Always have been.  I perfected that Daddy look at an early age.  I am an only daughter, granddaughter, and great-daughter on one side, so you can only imagine how far this took me. 

What I remember most about my dad is how laid back he was.  Things happened and you dealt with it.  End of story.  There was no need for planning and fretting.  Here is the problem, here is the solution; Just do it.  That is how he approached leukemia.  I remember going with my brothers and parents to Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis to meet with his oncologist.  He laid it out straight.  He had a complicated cancer.  They found 2 strains of leukemia on top of the LCH disease he had initially been diagnosed with.  The way they treated strain 1 made strain 2 worse and vice versa.  The doctor and his team had come up with a plan, but there were no guarantees.  Not even any percentages.  One of the options included a bone marrow transplant.  Typically people over 60 aren't considered great candidates for one, but my dad was just 60.  He was completely healthy besides the cancer and he was willing to fight.  I think the doctor expected Dad to take the information he was given and go home and think about it.  My brothers and mom and I had questions for the Dr and we asked them, but Dad didn't really ask much.  He looked at the Dr and said "Well then let's do it."  It was pretty much, I don't need any of the explanation or reasons or percentages or timelines.  In his mind he was sick and he was going to do everything he could to get better. 

My Dad loved being a grandpa.  He loved HIS grandpa and had a great relationship with him so I think it was just natural for him to do the same.  He spent a lot of time on the floor with his grandkids.  Wrestling around or just letting them crawl all over him.  

My Dad was a fisherman.  He loved it.  Loved everything to do with it except for eating the fish.  He hated fish!  Wouldn't eat anything he caught.  My great grandparents had a pond in their back yard.  Grandpa Douglas kept it stocked.  When we would go to visit them this is what happened.  We pulled into the drive and Grandma and Grandpa would usually meet us outside.  Dad would quickly get the suitcases out of the car and take them inside.  Then he would go to the carport and get a fishing pole, get some bait out of the refridgerator on the "back porch" (which wasn't a porch but more like a mud room) and go to the pond.  After a 7 or 8 hour drive, he would go fishing.  Immediately.  After he died we were looking at pictures to give to the funeral home for a slide show they put together.  75% of them had him holding a fish, holding a fishing pole or fishing.  It was part of who he was. 

There is probably a ton more that I could say, but...yeah...He was my dad and I miss him daily.  I am so greatful for the memories I have of him.  I am greatful for the memories my kids have of him.  It sucks that we won't have more.