Have you ever been unhappy, but had no idea that you were unhappy, until you WERE happy? That is where I am right now. And it is MARVELOUS.
5 or 6 months ago my entire life came crashing down. Everything that I thought I knew about myself was pulled out from under me. The last 15 years of my life were coming to a complete crash. And when the last 15 years of your life is actually HALF your life...yeah...that's hard. I couldn't see ANY good. Only bad. I couldn't imagine not being in the fetal position bawling my eyes out every night.
But it is here. I am begining to find me. I am having fun with what I want to do and not asking someone's permission. I am giving myself permission to enjoy life. To enjoy my time alone, to enjoy my time with my kids. To be me.
I didn't know it, but I never did that. I went from being someone's daughter to someone's wife to someone's mother and I never was Anessa. I am still someone's daughter and someone's mother, but I am learning I can be those things AND BE ANESSA!!!! It is so liberating. It is amazing.
My daughter said to me the other day "You are acting like a teenager. You cut your hair, and you do your makeup and you smile." That was the best compliment EVER.
