Words like weapons

I told myself I wasn't going to blog about this.  I told Scott I wasn't going to blog about this.  But here I am...blogging about this. 

First off, I will warn you that I am about to be vague.  And I have a hard time being vague, so if this makes no sense, I am sorry.  Just say "hey there crazy lady" and move on. 

Has someone ever said something to you and it felt like a dagger right to your soul?  Has anyone ever said words that pierced your heart as no sword could?  Even worse, have you done it?  Even worser (I know, I know...bad grammar) have you done it and not realized it?

Words are so handy.  They can be the best band aid Johnson & Johnson ever came up with.  They can lift you out of a cold dark place like no rope ever could.  They can be the light at the end of the long tunnel.  They can be the icing on an already delicious 7 layer cake. 

Words can also be weapons.  Weapons that you have sharpened and sharpened and had a plan when to whip them out and use them.  They can be so carefully crafted that they slice the target in half in one smooth swoosh.  They can also be the pistol that you may keep for "safety" and never really plan on using.  Until one day, one hour, one minute you whip it out and shoot it.  Right into the heart of someone you love.

This happened to me today.  Words that were so sharp and so painful that I didn't quite feel the severity of it until later.  Later when I looked at myself and said "Hey!  There is blood here!"  Words that twisted and burrowed their way deep into my heart.  Words that had not been said to hurt me, but none the less, they did.

I was/am so hurt, yet I almost feel...guilty.  Guilty because I know these words weren't meant to hurt me and so I shouldn't feel the hurt.  After all, these words were just an expression of someone else's frustrations.  Even if those frustrations included me.  Also because...gulp...how many times have I said words, sharpened pointy words, that have pierced others' hearts.  Other big hearts and even, little hearts.  Oh how I pray that those hearts that I have pierced with my weapons have healed and healed correctly.  I pray that the scars aren't visible or felt.  I pray that an amazing Surgeon was able to heal the hurt that my words may have caused.  I pray that I will be more cautious with my weapons.  My eyes more wide open to the damage my words can do.  I also pray that the amazing Surgeon will heal my heart and keep the ugly vindictive weapons that the enemy is stewing for me away.  Away from my mouth so that I will not use my words for weapons.